For eight long years, Republicans have been promising the American people that they would “Repeal and Replace” Obamacare. This week, the House Republicans unveiled their attempt at a healthcare reform bill which has been met with great opposition within their own party.
No need to worry, though. After all, this is what Donald Trump was elected for. The guy makes deals and many conservatives still need to be sold on the American Healthcare Act. With opposition coming from both directions; the Tea Party faction saying the bill is essentially a revised version of Obamacare, while the more independent Republicans aren’t ready to eliminate Medicaid expansion, Trump finds himself in a very familiar and comfortable position – a deal maker ready to make a deal.
He sits down in front of his computer and logs in to Twitter. He’s armed only with a list of his congressional critics, his pent up anger, and the self control of a 4 year old. The first 44 Presidents of our country would probably extend an olive branch to the naysayers in an effort to persuade them. Not 45. He deals with personal attacks directed at his target’s soft spot, without any regard for truth or consequences.
Trump fires twitter bullets at six of his most vocal critics. They hit their marks. Homosexual sexting scandals directed at Lindsay Graham. POW jabs taken at McCain. Rand Paul is blackmailed with a secret Mexican grand baby. Trump keeps punching, with the stamina and heart of a 34 year old Evander Holyfield, who was known as “The Real Deal”. Trump is known for the “Art of the Deal” and he is painting his masterpiece.
Whether or not a deal gets done is yet to be seen, but after the barrage of insults strategically hurled at his prospects, it’s hard to imagine that this doesn’t result in a done deal.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R- Wis.) in a joint press conference with President Trump announced from the Rose Garden at the White House the roll out of their plan to replace the Affordable Health Care Act (A.C.A.) with a new legislative proposal called the Faith Healing Act (F.H.A.) a.k.a. Trump Care. Trump joking with a group of confused reporters said, “I know you probably thought FHA stood for fabulous hair awesome, cause it’s true I do have fabulous hair, people love it,” but then later stated “it’s the new health care law I guess, at least that’s what they told me.”
Trump assured the American people that they were “going to love it, it’s the best, everyone will be healed, probably instantly.” He went on to say “it’s totally free and very simple, not thousands of pages of pages like Obamacare nobody could understand it so many words, with the new law you just show up to certain churches, make a contribution to my 2020 campaign fund and you will be healed by God. I love miracles!”
Ryan, who is considered the Republican party’s conscience and top intellectual, was pressed for more specific policies contained in the proposal. When asked what would happen should the miraculous healings fail to manifest and cure serious illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease and cancer, he replied “it’s all there in the three page bill, we’ve thought very seriously about this and have been working on it for the last 7 years. I don’t see how anything could go wrong with the healings, but just in case we’ve provided a back up. The churches would be encouraged to hold a bake sale for old-fashioned, more traditional treatments like chemotherapy and pharmaceutical drugs.
Ryan went on to explain the measure would eliminate the “onerous ban on lifetime caps, unpopular subsidies to help low-income people buy health insurance, and the dangerous provision that allows dependents to stay on their parent’s policies up to the age of 26.” Trumpcare would also roll back the Medicaid expansion and instead every citizen would receive a Faith Healing Kit containing a civil war era tourniquet, two aspirins, a jar of fresh leeches, and a small piece of walrus tusk.