New Travel Ban Expected Today – Draft Already Leaked

There has been a lot of speculation surrounding the “Muslim Travel Ban – Part 2”.  Today was widely believed to be the day that the President would unveil the results of his Muslim mulligan.  Unfortunately for the administration, Trump won’t be the one doing the honors.

Earlier this morning, a document that appears to be the second revision of the travel ban has surfaced.  The Daily Fabricator has been able to confirm the authenticity of this document with multiple sources within the administration.  This is the real deal.

While the Trump administration must be disappointed in yet another critical leak, they should also be very happy at the early reception of the document.  Conservative lawmakers are smitten.  “It holds up with any government document that I’ve ever seen,” says Senator Rand Paul, who continued, “In terms of simplicity, this is the apex.  This is the kind of legislation that we would all love to draft, but very few of us have the mental capacity to actually execute.”  Paul Ryan also nearly cummed his pants when he got his first peek at the document, which appears to be penned in crayon.  “The X-mas bonus clause is a really great example of two things: one, the President’s understanding of negotiating from a position of power and using leverage.  And two, the use of the word “x-mas” instead of “Christmas” pretty much eliminates any claims of the order being motivated by religion.”

Despite all of the excitement, we are also beginning to receive reports that multiple Federal Courts are considering putting a stop on the document even though it hasn’t been officially signed into law yet.  A representative from the courts explains, “We’ve never put a stop on a leaked document, but we’ve also never seen anything quite this fucking stupid.”

We will keep you updated as we receive new information.

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