Donald Trump blew the cover off of Sweden’s cover up of refugee instigated rape, murder, and other high crimes during his Saturday pep rally when he eloquently asked, “What’s happening in Sweden last night. Who would believe it? Sweden.” This sent the world into a information seeking tizzy as people wondered, “what has the lying fake media withheld from us this time?” Soon, denials came flying out of Sweden from current and previous government officials. Clearly, an attempt to continue covering up the atrocities occurring in the once quiet European country.
The Daily Fabricator was able to uncover what actually happened in Sweden. To our shock, it didn’t just happen last night; it happens EVERY night.
It begins with a tall, beautiful, blonde named Elsa. Your stereotypical Swede? Perhaps. Elsa is getting ready for a night out on the town. She’s drinking Absolut Vodka (made in Sweden, of course) and snacking on her favorite sweet treat – Swedish Fish (also a product of Sweden). Elsa is anticipating a wild night out on the town. She’s hoping to get laid. But where? She doesn’t have a proper bedroom suite to entertain. She better run to Ikea (You guessed it… also Swedish).
Elsa finishes her first Absolut drink and hops in her Volvo (manufactured in Sweden) and drives to the local Ikea to buy her new bed, which she hopes to be jävla in later tonight. On her way to the store, she is nearly intercepted by a band of rogue vikings, still a big problem in this Nordic country. Elsa manages to elude them. She finally arrives at Ikea and meets a nice Socialist man named Hugo. Hugo offers to accompany Elsa back to the house to help put the furniture together.
On their drive back, Elsa learns that Hugo was the recipient of the very famous, very Swedish, Nobel Prize, though he doesn’t say in which category. They arrive back at Elsa’s place and put together the shitty Ikea furniture. Elsa decides to invite Hugo to hang out for a while, maybe watch some television. They flip around for a few minutes… first they watch Sesame Street, specifically, the Swedish Chef segment. Once that is over, they turn on the official national movie of Sweden – Pippi Longstocking.
After the movie, Hugo is ready to make his move. He reaches for his phone and goes for the kill… he hits the play button and ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” begins to fill the silence of the night. Much to his surprise, Elsa seems immune to the ABBA. Hugo isn’t worried. He has a back up plan. He skips to the next track, Ace of Base “The Sign”. Let the jävla begin!
This is what happened last night in Sweden.