Less than 12 hours ago, the New England Patriots completed the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history, overcoming a 25 point 3rd quarter deficit, ripping the Lombardi Trophy from the hands of NFL MVP, Matt Ryan and the rest of the Atlanta Falcons.
“It was like a different team came out of the tunnel for the second half,” explained Ryan. “Their team, especially Tom [Brady] seemed… almost lighter, less tense. I don’t know. He was playing almost like someone had just sucked his dick.”
New details are emerging from the typically tight-lipped Patriots’ camp regarding the half time message delivered by Coach Bill Belichick. “He really didn’t say much,” according to tight end Rob Gronkowski. “He told the team that we looked like shit and then asked Tom to go see the President back in the equipment room.” Apparently, President Trump landed in Houston shortly before halftime to give the Patriots a lift for the second half of the game.
We contacted the White House for confirmation. They responded with this statement, “President Trump has always been a winner. He loves everything about victory. He likes to see it, smell it, and especially taste it. Tom Brady is a champion. The President was eager to taste his brand of winning and feels that the best way to taste a man’s victory is straight from the spigot.”
There has been much speculation concerning Brady and Belichick’s support for the incompetent Commander and Chief. Belichick, who is famous for offering very little to the press, explained, “Of course we support him [Trump]. He gives our QB blow jobs. I won’t do that. Winning isn’t that important.”
Perhaps that’s why Belichick’s name is prefixed with “Coach” and not “President”.